


The Quiet

by badgerling



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-20
Updated: 2012-02-20
Packaged: 2017-10-31 12:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/344070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/badgerling/pseuds/badgerling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The worst news in the world is finding out your friends are dead and that someone you trusted completely did it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after the Potters are killed, but before Sirius is arrested.

Remus tries to tell himself that he's not shaking, that he's perfectly calm, perfectly composed. It's a lie, of course, because the second he places the spout of the teapot against the cup, the clattering of porcelain forces him back to reality, and he nearly drops the kettle to the floor. He manages, though, to set it steadily on the counter before he braces himself with a deep shuddering breath.

He stares at the steam come out of the cup and wants desperately to think that his shaking is because of the approaching full moon and that everything he'd just been told was a lie, a nightmare, a prank. He knows it's not, though, because no one can be that cruel, especially not Dumbledore and especially not about this.

There's questions Remus wants to ask, things he needs to know, things he wants to know -- about their last words, about where Harry would be going, about Peter, about Sirius, especially about Sirius.

But words have failed him for the first time in his life, and he can't even begin to put together something coherent.

It's only then that he realizes that Dumbledore has been speaking, is speaking, and will probably continue on for quite awhile. He looks up, though, and the old man stops, eyes dull for the first time since Remus knew him, and Remus opens his mouth again to speak, but a strangled little whimper is the only thing that comes out. He clasps his hand over his mouth, just breathing.

Breathe deeply, calm down, don't panic. Deep breaths, that's what Sirius always told him, when he would have a panic attack about a potions exam in his first year.

Of course, thinking about it now only earns a sharp, little hysterical giggle, and Dumbledore takes a step toward him, but Remus stops him with a raised hand and just pushes away from the counter. He nearly stumbles out of the kitchen, trying to think of anywhere to go, and he starts down the hallway toward the bedroom.

He stops, though, because it is three days until the full moon, and his senses are sharper than humanly possible, and he can smell him.

Sirius.

Everywhere. Sirius on the sheets, Sirius on the pillows, Sirius on the walls. Sirius pressed up against the cool tile of the shower. Sirius licking the full moon scars on Remus's back. And--

No.

Remus is breathing harder now, gulping air in through his mouth, thinking that he might be going just a little insane right now, and Dumbledore constantly looming at his back really isn't helping matters at all.

He turns, wanting to order the old man out of his flat, wanting to tell him to just go home, but he can't because his brain still isn't working properly, and he really can't think of anything but the warmth of Sirius, the smell, taste, feel of him, and he knows he needs to get out of here, needs to clear his head, think things through properly.

He grabs his coat and his cloak just in case, pulling them both on over his sweater, and he's trying to focus on the details, on the feel of the wooden buttons under his fingers, on anything but the pain that's starting to build to a loud buzz in the back of his head. He gets the coat on and the cloak fastened and his hand is on the doorknob before he realizes that he has nowhere to go.

Sirius would be the first he'd turn to, but he can't because no one can find him and he was the goddamn Secret Keeper and it just looks so very odd that James and Lily were killed and now he's gone without word, and little Peter's missing and there's nothing he can do. Nothing at all.

He presses his forehead against the door, eyes squeezing shut, and he can feel Dumbledore's thin hands on his shoulders, and he wonders what it will take for the old man to just LEAVE!

Then he remembers that he hasn't ordered him out yet, and he turns to do that very thing, mouth open, harsh words already planned out because he's grieving and he's _entitled_ , but he stops, the words stop, and he just makes that choked little whimper again.

He presses his face against Dumbledore's shoulder and sobs.

**Author's Note:**

> Not mine. JK Rowling owns them.


End file.
